We have 2 boys, ages 5 %26amp; 2. Our 5 yr old has always slept well in his own bed, he has a twin bed now in his room. Our 2 yr old does not like to sleep in his toddler bed, he likes mom %26amp; dad's big bed better, even when we are not in it.
We want to get him a new bed when we move next month, but should we get him a twin bed like his brother, or give him our queen bed? (We will be getting a new mattress for ours anyway...)
In the new house, the boys rooms will be upstairs, and ours will be on the main floor. We really don't like the idea of him coming down the stairs in the middle of the night to crawl in our bed. We think he might be more comfortable with our old mattress, and maybe he will sleep in his own room. What do you think?
Twin or queen bed?
I say buy him a twin.
If you ebd up giving him the queen, your other kid might get mad.
Reply:if you give the younger child a bigger bed then your older son. then you will start a massive turf war. That's not a fight you need to have.
You need to have a firm hand with your 2 year old. He must realize that no matter how big the bed is, that his bed, is just that.. HIS!!!. You don't want him crawl into your bed any time, or less you will be in a world of trouble.
I'd definitely stick with giving him a twin like his older brother.
Reply:I think both boys should be in their own twin bed. Your 2 year old needs to know that he's a big boy now and big boys sleep in their own bed. If you need to in the new house, get a baby gate for the stairs at night. Also, make sure you show your 5 yr old how to get it down in case of fire. It's just a matter of consistancy and being firm.
Reply:As long as the 5 year old wouldn't get jealous over it I don't see why not (if this is a comfort thing)...but keep in mind you won't find many kids bedding in queen size. Talk to both boys about it. I think the youngest might just like the bed because mom and dad sleep there, not becase of the size.
I would personally not do this myself..but to each his own I guess.
Reply:I think that it's less about the bed than it is about mum and dad.
A twin bed is a nice size for a toddler, and I really think it's more about being where mum and dad are. Maybe he's having bad dreams? Maybe his room scares him? Maybe he just knows he's safe in your bed with you.
Reply:I would give your oldest son the queen size and move the little guy to the twin bed
Reply:uhm.... why would you get a queen bed for a child? if your worry of him falling out of it you can get beds with colorful bars on the side so he cant fall out..
dont spoil your kid. it would be unfair that your toddler gets a huge bed and your 5 year old a twin. get them both a twin. a twin is big enough for a 2 year old.... im 16 and i have to sleep in one...
maybe when there 14ish get them a double bed but not a queen.
i HATE my twin bed. i cant fit in it anymore. but it perfect for your 5 and 2 year old. don't get a queen. thats beds made mostly for adults not children.
OR try this.... get him a new mattress??????
plus a parents room is comforting for a child even if your not in the room he knows its a safe place, kids hate there own room.
casual shoes
Friday, May 21, 2010
Who do you think was the worst on Ameican Idol last night?
i think the guy with the big eyes who sung "tearing up my heart" by nsync.and the guy who called himself red.who sung that song by queen.
and was it just me or did those people in seattle look like cirus people.
Who do you think was the worst on Ameican Idol last night?
yes red was really bad I thought for a moment that they were going to call security to come and toss this guy on his a.s.s. because of the way he got with simon, I also thought the girl who looked like a librarian who sang that p.ussy cat doll song really fast was really bad too, and that girl and her mom who looked like the mom was her sister OMG how bad was that and the mom kept saying that she thinks that her daughter was talented. it's not you the people from seattle all looked liked escaped mental patients
Reply:The red haired guy was so strange. He was the worst, in my opinion.
Reply:I think the guy from Utah who sang Unchained Melody. Why did they let him sing for soooooo long? He was just strange.
Reply:red, and the dude that looked like taylor hicks
Reply:The big bleached blonde with the bobbed hair and red lips, wrinkled gold top and what looked like spandex tights, there with her mother, I think she was the worst. I have no recollection of what she tried to sing because I couldn't get past what the hell she looked like, and I'm usually not that shallow.
Reply:Paula!
Reply:The guy that simon called a monkey and the guy named red...
Reply:the guy named red was the worst. the lady with the blond hair who had her mother with her was just atrocious.
Reply:definitely the two you mentioned. Big eyes scared me.
when red was singing I was checking to find out if there had been a full moon in Seattle that night
Reply:The short haired blonde who obviously had no bra on and had to bring her mommy in for support!! My other faves were the Taylor Hicks imposter and the kid that Simon called a "bush baby." lol lol lol lol
Reply:the guy who thought he was taylor
Reply:No it was just you. The rest of them didn't look like circus people. Just you.
Reply:They were all pretty much bad, even the ones who got through with one notable exception. Big red was the most entertaining though with his teach me attitude.
and was it just me or did those people in seattle look like cirus people.
Who do you think was the worst on Ameican Idol last night?
yes red was really bad I thought for a moment that they were going to call security to come and toss this guy on his a.s.s. because of the way he got with simon, I also thought the girl who looked like a librarian who sang that p.ussy cat doll song really fast was really bad too, and that girl and her mom who looked like the mom was her sister OMG how bad was that and the mom kept saying that she thinks that her daughter was talented. it's not you the people from seattle all looked liked escaped mental patients
Reply:The red haired guy was so strange. He was the worst, in my opinion.
Reply:I think the guy from Utah who sang Unchained Melody. Why did they let him sing for soooooo long? He was just strange.
Reply:red, and the dude that looked like taylor hicks
Reply:The big bleached blonde with the bobbed hair and red lips, wrinkled gold top and what looked like spandex tights, there with her mother, I think she was the worst. I have no recollection of what she tried to sing because I couldn't get past what the hell she looked like, and I'm usually not that shallow.
Reply:Paula!
Reply:The guy that simon called a monkey and the guy named red...
Reply:the guy named red was the worst. the lady with the blond hair who had her mother with her was just atrocious.
Reply:definitely the two you mentioned. Big eyes scared me.
when red was singing I was checking to find out if there had been a full moon in Seattle that night
Reply:The short haired blonde who obviously had no bra on and had to bring her mommy in for support!! My other faves were the Taylor Hicks imposter and the kid that Simon called a "bush baby." lol lol lol lol
Reply:the guy who thought he was taylor
Reply:No it was just you. The rest of them didn't look like circus people. Just you.
Reply:They were all pretty much bad, even the ones who got through with one notable exception. Big red was the most entertaining though with his teach me attitude.
This is for all you ladies. If were told you had to have a one night stand with Tom Jones or Elvis, who u pick
If you were being held captive and the only you would be let go was to have a one night stand with either Tom Jones or Elvis( stating he is still alive) Who would you pick. You would be wined and dined and sung to and treated like a queen. To bad I cant answer my own question, but it's not unsual to be loved
This is for all you ladies. If were told you had to have a one night stand with Tom Jones or Elvis, who u pick
Tom Jones, without a doubt.
Reply:Tom Jones. In his younger years, Oh Boy.
I suppose he is not chopped liver at this age. Age is like fine wine?
Reply:Elvis! He's a freaking legend! Wouldn't be embarrassing admitting that to people, it would be crazy cool! (Assuming this is the pre-hardcore drugs/alcohol Elvis of course!)
Reply:by anyone... else. Ewww, neither. But if I had to pick, it would be "Wise men say, only fools rush in " Elvis. I could have seen Graceland before it was a tourist trap, for free, rode in the pink Caddie, and ate peanut butter and banana sandwiches in the jungle room.
Reply:Elvis. Just to hear the Wham bam thank you, thank you very much ma'am.
Reply:Elvis was a great performer, but he didn't do it for me in a sexual manner, but Tom did. So my pick is Tom Jones, not that handsome, but very sexy!!!
Reply:Tom Jones.. if he was 26 as of tdy i wud love to date him.
Reply:Elvis before he gained weight it did not flatter him but younger slim Elvis would defiantly be my decision
This is for all you ladies. If were told you had to have a one night stand with Tom Jones or Elvis, who u pick
Tom Jones, without a doubt.
Reply:Tom Jones. In his younger years, Oh Boy.
I suppose he is not chopped liver at this age. Age is like fine wine?
Reply:Elvis! He's a freaking legend! Wouldn't be embarrassing admitting that to people, it would be crazy cool! (Assuming this is the pre-hardcore drugs/alcohol Elvis of course!)
Reply:by anyone... else. Ewww, neither. But if I had to pick, it would be "Wise men say, only fools rush in " Elvis. I could have seen Graceland before it was a tourist trap, for free, rode in the pink Caddie, and ate peanut butter and banana sandwiches in the jungle room.
Reply:Elvis. Just to hear the Wham bam thank you, thank you very much ma'am.
Reply:Elvis was a great performer, but he didn't do it for me in a sexual manner, but Tom did. So my pick is Tom Jones, not that handsome, but very sexy!!!
Reply:Tom Jones.. if he was 26 as of tdy i wud love to date him.
Reply:Elvis before he gained weight it did not flatter him but younger slim Elvis would defiantly be my decision
Why is Hillary smiling all the way to the Whitehouse?
Because she has the backing of the feminist party, the gays and lesbians, La Raza and the illegals, the famales, some minorities, and a few white males who are brain dead. Even with this motley crew, she will not make it. 2007 means absolutely nothing. Candidates rise to glory and fall in shame over night, so do not party too soon San Franciso. In fact, pull your pants back up above your knees.
If she thinks winning the presidency is having a few good queens and lesbos then think again. 2008 will be different altogether. Jezebel will not sit on the throne.
Why is Hillary smiling all the way to the Whitehouse?
I sure hope your right - and as far as the poles, just remember the exit poles that had John Kerry packing his things for the trip to the White House on election nite.
As a side note - I personally think the democrats are in serious trouble if Hillary remains the front runner - there just isn't that many air heads in America that would put her in the White House - not again.
Reply:She's not there yet.
Reply:The Dems havent done a thing to end this war. They have had their chance with taking over the congress. With this take over...they have earned themselves the lowest approval rating in half a century. I seriously doubt Hillary would pull the troops if she had a snowball chance in hell of becoming Pres.
Reply:Because it is easier than frowning.
Reply:Amen...
Reply:That's just a corn cob stuck up her butt. My mom got to met and have a pic taken with her when she came for some union thing. she looks like she is forcing the smile
Reply:She's smiling because of people like you who will continue to underestimate her and her growing support. Good luck with that.
Reply:botox
Reply:She farted?
Reply:Once the campaign comes into full swing the American majority will just see how radical this woman is and the Republican candidate will be laughing all the way to the Whitehouse.
Reply:I'm not sure who I'm voting for yet, but I believe the men have had their chance and failed failed failed...... I believe those people that are so against Hillary are still in that old school of thinking that a white male is the only one for this position. I also think it breaks you down to your core of manhood in thinking that a woman can think for herself and can survive without a useless man.... Yes I'm a feminist and damn proud of it.... "Girl Power"
Reply:Evidently you live in your own world. The next election is going to have one main issue: Iraq. The Republicans (except for Ron Paul) support war without end in Iraq. The Democrats say they will end the war. It's really that simple. The American people don't support the war, and they're not going to support the Republicans in 2008. The only way the Democrats could lose this one, is if they nominate Hitler, and word on the street is that if Hitler ran, he'd run as a Republican.
If she thinks winning the presidency is having a few good queens and lesbos then think again. 2008 will be different altogether. Jezebel will not sit on the throne.
Why is Hillary smiling all the way to the Whitehouse?
I sure hope your right - and as far as the poles, just remember the exit poles that had John Kerry packing his things for the trip to the White House on election nite.
As a side note - I personally think the democrats are in serious trouble if Hillary remains the front runner - there just isn't that many air heads in America that would put her in the White House - not again.
Reply:She's not there yet.
Reply:The Dems havent done a thing to end this war. They have had their chance with taking over the congress. With this take over...they have earned themselves the lowest approval rating in half a century. I seriously doubt Hillary would pull the troops if she had a snowball chance in hell of becoming Pres.
Reply:Because it is easier than frowning.
Reply:Amen...
Reply:That's just a corn cob stuck up her butt. My mom got to met and have a pic taken with her when she came for some union thing. she looks like she is forcing the smile
Reply:She's smiling because of people like you who will continue to underestimate her and her growing support. Good luck with that.
Reply:botox
Reply:She farted?
Reply:Once the campaign comes into full swing the American majority will just see how radical this woman is and the Republican candidate will be laughing all the way to the Whitehouse.
Reply:I'm not sure who I'm voting for yet, but I believe the men have had their chance and failed failed failed...... I believe those people that are so against Hillary are still in that old school of thinking that a white male is the only one for this position. I also think it breaks you down to your core of manhood in thinking that a woman can think for herself and can survive without a useless man.... Yes I'm a feminist and damn proud of it.... "Girl Power"
Reply:Evidently you live in your own world. The next election is going to have one main issue: Iraq. The Republicans (except for Ron Paul) support war without end in Iraq. The Democrats say they will end the war. It's really that simple. The American people don't support the war, and they're not going to support the Republicans in 2008. The only way the Democrats could lose this one, is if they nominate Hitler, and word on the street is that if Hitler ran, he'd run as a Republican.
Drama queen friend issue? need advice please.?
I have a friend whom I love dearly but let's face it, she is a drama queen. Everything she does is magnified 10x in her mind. Its hard to have a draining friend like this. I mean it she is a great person who is going through a very rough time with a divorce. It is difficult for me to deal with as I have just started a family of my own and she wants me to constantly solve her problems. even calling me in the middle of the night asking "should i go to YOUR parents house and stay there because I don't want to wake up my dad?" It is very hard for me to handle because I dont' know where to ask her to go for help, as I think she really needs some professional assistance. she is not eating and not sleeping, and she has very bad anxiety, her regular doctor (not psychiatric) told her she just has general anxiety, but it is so extreme, she has even pulled over on a busy highway and called a medic because she thought she was having a heart attack. I am at wits end, she needs help what do I do?
Drama queen friend issue? need advice please.?
So sorry you're dealing with this emotional vampire. You are probably the only friend she has, and therefore you feel like you're the only one she can reach out to, but trust me, she probably has plenty of people she has already driven off with her behavior.
Just take a deep breath and keep telling yourself, "I am not responsible for this emotional vampire. I will not get sucked in to her drama at the risk of my own health, relationships, and emotional well being."
If your husband hasn't said anything about her so far, he deserves to be sainted, as the middle of the night phone calls are completely inappropriate, unless someone is the hospital or jail.
You need to help her by helping yourself first. Set up boundaries with her and stick to them. Tell her you will not accept phone calls, except in case of emergency, after 9:00 p.m. Then explain to her that unless it involves a trip to the emergency room, it does not constitute an emergency. If she calls after 9:00, ask her what the issue is, and if it's not an emergency, tell her you're sorry, but it's family time and she will have to call you back after 10:00 a.m. (or whatever time YOU establish), then hang up. If she calls back, don't answer. Turn the ringer off if you have to.
Establish emotional boundaries with her as well. Tell her you are not a trained psychologist, so any advice you give her could be damaging, and you don't feel qualified to solve her problems. Tell her that her behavior is draining you, and point out to her that she's a drama queen. Ask her to take notice of the people around her and see if they react to things the same way she does. Then tell her you'll be happy to socialize with her as a friend, but you are not her counselor, and if she starts bumming you out, you're going to change the subject or flat out leave, and stick to it. YOU decide when you've had enough..not her.
Tell her the story of the boy who cried 'wolf.' Anxiety is a horrible thing to live with, but anyone who has loved someone with emotional issues can tell you that it can be crushing to have to bear someone else's burdens.
You are NOT qualified to help her other than providing emotional support, and she requires a lot more than you are humanly capable of giving.
Your best bet is to practice tough love and distance yourself from her, lest you get sucked in to more of her drama.
Reply:cut her loose, you can't help her.
Reply:You cannot help her but you can stop enabling her. She is feeding her fantasy life by having drama by proxy with you. She needs help and you must tell her that plain and simple. Tell her you love her (if you do) and then tellher that you are worried about her because......like she is not eating and sleeping unhealthy habits whatever. Tell her that while you will always be there for her, this is beyond you and you have little you can offer because of your responsibilities, child, distance blah blah. You want her to get help, real professional help and she needs to seriously consider doing this as soon as possible. Tell her just like that so that she can focus on your words and not cut away to sidetrack land. Most of this drama is about attention and how to get and keep it so be perpared for a dramatic and traumatic response but you just tell her that is exactly what you mean that these outbursts cannot be healthy and she needs to seek help. Time for Tough Love here honey, Good Luck
Reply:You sound like a mature and nice person, and if you care so much about your friend you should have a long, honest chat with her.
Tell her how you feel, and tell her that although you'd love to help her out more, you cannot. You have your own life to live, and her actions are stressing you out and have leaked into your personal life as well.
True friends are honest with each other; and this sometimes is tricky to deal with. But if you have known each other for so long now, I really think you are entitled to having her understand your position -and hopefully she will "get it".
Give her clear examples of how she has affected your schedule or lifestyle. For example, calling you in the middle of the night is not something you do on a regular basis; this is just for emergencies!
Tell her you are worried about her, and that she should take care of herself and not lose her health on top of everything. She should go to therapy or counseling ASAP. (A trained professional can help her deal with her issues and feelings better than you can, so try to convince her to go for her own sake and well-being.)
Finally, please remember she is an adult, and you cannot change other people. You cannot force her to seek help or eat better; she has to WANT to accept help in order to get better. If you have enough closeness with her family, you might talk to them and explain that you are worried about her and why. They are her family, and they should be willing to step in and help her.
And be careful, too. She might try to blackmail you (emotionally) and you will have to be on your toes. She could tell you you are not being a good friend, etc, etc, but that is not true. She has to pay the price for the decisions she took; and blaming others is an immature thing to do.
So don't fall for it and understand that you need to set limits and boundaries...or else, you will continue to feel this way for a long time.
Good luck.
Reply:you need to say all this to her, its obvious she needs help but is she the type you can say that to?gently explain to her that she cant keep relying on you all the time, you have a small child and they are your main priority, it doesnt sound like she has anyone else to turn to
Reply:Suggest she find a divorce support group and maybe speak to a therapist. This is bigger than you.
Reply:If you don't resolve this, it will happen in another form to you until you do.
The lesson here is to discover how to say no to someone you love even when they are in need. You are learning when enough is enough and that you HAVE to come first so that your life succeeds.
We must not give until we ourselves are depleted.
Tell her you love her, that you have tried to be there for her, but she is out of control and her problem is becoming YOUR problem.
If you don't communicate with her about this honestly it will turn into resentment. Face it head on and take care of business.
Tell her you don't want her going to your parent's place. Tell her you don't want her phoning you in the middle of the night. Tell her you already have your hands full with your family. Then tell her you feel very strongly that she should call a help line for advice. (she should!)
Nomatter how much we care about someone we must not make ourselves available to them 24 hours a day 7 days a week. It is selfish of them to expect that and it is ridiculous of us to DO it.
You are not being a bad friend to her by doing this. You are actually helping her. You don't have the credentials to solve her problems and even still, if you did, it is up to her to solve her own problems, prompted by a professional.
The mistake you make is at the beginning. Your heart melts and she is all over you like a wet puppy. If this happens again, say something like, "Gee I wish I could help you but I really have my hands full with life at the moment. I think you should call someone who knows about this kind of thing and can direct you properly. Let me know how it works out."
Stand firm. It will be a weight off your back.
We can't give give give without exhausting ourselves. You aren't superwoman.
Bless your heart I bet you are a loving mom.
Reply:Thinking she is having a heart attack is usually a symptom of a panic attack due to anxiety. However, you need to talk to your friend also about depression as well. Having a broken relationship/divorce can be a torturous feeling. Your heart aches and you want to feel better but it takes time. I have been in that boat before with relationships and not a divorce. I can only imagine it being just as bad.
I have pulled over in traffic when I was feeling badly about flunking in nursing school and a million other negative things happening to run me crazy to call my brother. Whatever you do, when she calls, is listen to her and I know you are tired and drained but please listen to her. We never know when a person is on the brink of giving up. Once, a friend had to stay on the phone with me all night and went to work at 7. I don't know how she did that. Also, it happened to me another time when I was much younger because my fiancee was cheating and called me in the middle of the night to say this girl he worked with said she was pregnant by him. His sister-in-law I called around 3 am and she came from across town to be with me before she went to work. However, these calls happened only once. I helped myself and respected others' schedules and responsibilities. I also have pride about myself that people do get tired. No, do not encourage her to visit your parents because that will be a new route to take. If she does not have insurance, there are some counselors at churches and some free clinics with waiting sometimes.
If she doesn't do this and keeps bugging you, she is not trying to help herself. I would ask her when is her appointment and what is your plan to better the situation after I tell her that I have responsibilities too.
It's hard but sometimes a friend needs us badly and I know you have a little one and live miles away and that is not feasible. However, don't feel bad about what you can't do but do what you can -- listen.
I am also highly concerned because with anxiety comes severe depression plus suicidal feeling and tendency. So think about the following and ask her this question -- Are you having suicidal thoughts or harming you or anyone else?
No, it does not put a notion in her mind to do this but to be frank w/ you so you will know at least how far she is in these feelings. Also, listen to her conversation and don't take it for granted when she mentions something like I want to kill myself and some other things. I had a friend who did commit suicide because her husband was dogging and cheating on her. A lovely woman and I never knew she was going through thoughts of suicide and problems until a co-worker mentioned it to me shortly before her death. We were waiting for her to come into town to have lunch as she promised, instead she gave up.
Does she give away items that are her favorite?
Does she talk about stuff like making a will or eternity?
It might sound mean but we ask persons this when they come for psych measures and in the hospital, we don't take those talks lightly.
Encourage her to seek more counseling by professions; psychiatric treatments; etc. She might need to take a little something to get over this phase and people do all the time. It doesn't make a person a wimp; it's just to help them get through this. I used to feel that if I needed drugs I was going to be an abuser or a lunatic but that's not true. Once, I went to the hospital and admitted myself in for 5 days. Afterwards, I went to a day treatment program called the partial hospital plan because it's cheaper for the insurance companies. It has to be a referral though.
Please listen to her and maybe if you have a mutual friend ask your girlfriend if it is ok to have a person she trusts to share with you the listening and encouragement. Sounds like she needs to be referred to a support group for divorcees.
You are a good friend but we all can get tired when we have our responsibilities plus extra. Being a new mom is not easy even if you don't have this going on with a friend. On the other hand, she has to want to help herself you can't do it for her. So, do what you can and that's all you can.
God Bless you and I will pray for you and your friend
Local Dentist
Drama queen friend issue? need advice please.?
So sorry you're dealing with this emotional vampire. You are probably the only friend she has, and therefore you feel like you're the only one she can reach out to, but trust me, she probably has plenty of people she has already driven off with her behavior.
Just take a deep breath and keep telling yourself, "I am not responsible for this emotional vampire. I will not get sucked in to her drama at the risk of my own health, relationships, and emotional well being."
If your husband hasn't said anything about her so far, he deserves to be sainted, as the middle of the night phone calls are completely inappropriate, unless someone is the hospital or jail.
You need to help her by helping yourself first. Set up boundaries with her and stick to them. Tell her you will not accept phone calls, except in case of emergency, after 9:00 p.m. Then explain to her that unless it involves a trip to the emergency room, it does not constitute an emergency. If she calls after 9:00, ask her what the issue is, and if it's not an emergency, tell her you're sorry, but it's family time and she will have to call you back after 10:00 a.m. (or whatever time YOU establish), then hang up. If she calls back, don't answer. Turn the ringer off if you have to.
Establish emotional boundaries with her as well. Tell her you are not a trained psychologist, so any advice you give her could be damaging, and you don't feel qualified to solve her problems. Tell her that her behavior is draining you, and point out to her that she's a drama queen. Ask her to take notice of the people around her and see if they react to things the same way she does. Then tell her you'll be happy to socialize with her as a friend, but you are not her counselor, and if she starts bumming you out, you're going to change the subject or flat out leave, and stick to it. YOU decide when you've had enough..not her.
Tell her the story of the boy who cried 'wolf.' Anxiety is a horrible thing to live with, but anyone who has loved someone with emotional issues can tell you that it can be crushing to have to bear someone else's burdens.
You are NOT qualified to help her other than providing emotional support, and she requires a lot more than you are humanly capable of giving.
Your best bet is to practice tough love and distance yourself from her, lest you get sucked in to more of her drama.
Reply:cut her loose, you can't help her.
Reply:You cannot help her but you can stop enabling her. She is feeding her fantasy life by having drama by proxy with you. She needs help and you must tell her that plain and simple. Tell her you love her (if you do) and then tellher that you are worried about her because......like she is not eating and sleeping unhealthy habits whatever. Tell her that while you will always be there for her, this is beyond you and you have little you can offer because of your responsibilities, child, distance blah blah. You want her to get help, real professional help and she needs to seriously consider doing this as soon as possible. Tell her just like that so that she can focus on your words and not cut away to sidetrack land. Most of this drama is about attention and how to get and keep it so be perpared for a dramatic and traumatic response but you just tell her that is exactly what you mean that these outbursts cannot be healthy and she needs to seek help. Time for Tough Love here honey, Good Luck
Reply:You sound like a mature and nice person, and if you care so much about your friend you should have a long, honest chat with her.
Tell her how you feel, and tell her that although you'd love to help her out more, you cannot. You have your own life to live, and her actions are stressing you out and have leaked into your personal life as well.
True friends are honest with each other; and this sometimes is tricky to deal with. But if you have known each other for so long now, I really think you are entitled to having her understand your position -and hopefully she will "get it".
Give her clear examples of how she has affected your schedule or lifestyle. For example, calling you in the middle of the night is not something you do on a regular basis; this is just for emergencies!
Tell her you are worried about her, and that she should take care of herself and not lose her health on top of everything. She should go to therapy or counseling ASAP. (A trained professional can help her deal with her issues and feelings better than you can, so try to convince her to go for her own sake and well-being.)
Finally, please remember she is an adult, and you cannot change other people. You cannot force her to seek help or eat better; she has to WANT to accept help in order to get better. If you have enough closeness with her family, you might talk to them and explain that you are worried about her and why. They are her family, and they should be willing to step in and help her.
And be careful, too. She might try to blackmail you (emotionally) and you will have to be on your toes. She could tell you you are not being a good friend, etc, etc, but that is not true. She has to pay the price for the decisions she took; and blaming others is an immature thing to do.
So don't fall for it and understand that you need to set limits and boundaries...or else, you will continue to feel this way for a long time.
Good luck.
Reply:you need to say all this to her, its obvious she needs help but is she the type you can say that to?gently explain to her that she cant keep relying on you all the time, you have a small child and they are your main priority, it doesnt sound like she has anyone else to turn to
Reply:Suggest she find a divorce support group and maybe speak to a therapist. This is bigger than you.
Reply:If you don't resolve this, it will happen in another form to you until you do.
The lesson here is to discover how to say no to someone you love even when they are in need. You are learning when enough is enough and that you HAVE to come first so that your life succeeds.
We must not give until we ourselves are depleted.
Tell her you love her, that you have tried to be there for her, but she is out of control and her problem is becoming YOUR problem.
If you don't communicate with her about this honestly it will turn into resentment. Face it head on and take care of business.
Tell her you don't want her going to your parent's place. Tell her you don't want her phoning you in the middle of the night. Tell her you already have your hands full with your family. Then tell her you feel very strongly that she should call a help line for advice. (she should!)
Nomatter how much we care about someone we must not make ourselves available to them 24 hours a day 7 days a week. It is selfish of them to expect that and it is ridiculous of us to DO it.
You are not being a bad friend to her by doing this. You are actually helping her. You don't have the credentials to solve her problems and even still, if you did, it is up to her to solve her own problems, prompted by a professional.
The mistake you make is at the beginning. Your heart melts and she is all over you like a wet puppy. If this happens again, say something like, "Gee I wish I could help you but I really have my hands full with life at the moment. I think you should call someone who knows about this kind of thing and can direct you properly. Let me know how it works out."
Stand firm. It will be a weight off your back.
We can't give give give without exhausting ourselves. You aren't superwoman.
Bless your heart I bet you are a loving mom.
Reply:Thinking she is having a heart attack is usually a symptom of a panic attack due to anxiety. However, you need to talk to your friend also about depression as well. Having a broken relationship/divorce can be a torturous feeling. Your heart aches and you want to feel better but it takes time. I have been in that boat before with relationships and not a divorce. I can only imagine it being just as bad.
I have pulled over in traffic when I was feeling badly about flunking in nursing school and a million other negative things happening to run me crazy to call my brother. Whatever you do, when she calls, is listen to her and I know you are tired and drained but please listen to her. We never know when a person is on the brink of giving up. Once, a friend had to stay on the phone with me all night and went to work at 7. I don't know how she did that. Also, it happened to me another time when I was much younger because my fiancee was cheating and called me in the middle of the night to say this girl he worked with said she was pregnant by him. His sister-in-law I called around 3 am and she came from across town to be with me before she went to work. However, these calls happened only once. I helped myself and respected others' schedules and responsibilities. I also have pride about myself that people do get tired. No, do not encourage her to visit your parents because that will be a new route to take. If she does not have insurance, there are some counselors at churches and some free clinics with waiting sometimes.
If she doesn't do this and keeps bugging you, she is not trying to help herself. I would ask her when is her appointment and what is your plan to better the situation after I tell her that I have responsibilities too.
It's hard but sometimes a friend needs us badly and I know you have a little one and live miles away and that is not feasible. However, don't feel bad about what you can't do but do what you can -- listen.
I am also highly concerned because with anxiety comes severe depression plus suicidal feeling and tendency. So think about the following and ask her this question -- Are you having suicidal thoughts or harming you or anyone else?
No, it does not put a notion in her mind to do this but to be frank w/ you so you will know at least how far she is in these feelings. Also, listen to her conversation and don't take it for granted when she mentions something like I want to kill myself and some other things. I had a friend who did commit suicide because her husband was dogging and cheating on her. A lovely woman and I never knew she was going through thoughts of suicide and problems until a co-worker mentioned it to me shortly before her death. We were waiting for her to come into town to have lunch as she promised, instead she gave up.
Does she give away items that are her favorite?
Does she talk about stuff like making a will or eternity?
It might sound mean but we ask persons this when they come for psych measures and in the hospital, we don't take those talks lightly.
Encourage her to seek more counseling by professions; psychiatric treatments; etc. She might need to take a little something to get over this phase and people do all the time. It doesn't make a person a wimp; it's just to help them get through this. I used to feel that if I needed drugs I was going to be an abuser or a lunatic but that's not true. Once, I went to the hospital and admitted myself in for 5 days. Afterwards, I went to a day treatment program called the partial hospital plan because it's cheaper for the insurance companies. It has to be a referral though.
Please listen to her and maybe if you have a mutual friend ask your girlfriend if it is ok to have a person she trusts to share with you the listening and encouragement. Sounds like she needs to be referred to a support group for divorcees.
You are a good friend but we all can get tired when we have our responsibilities plus extra. Being a new mom is not easy even if you don't have this going on with a friend. On the other hand, she has to want to help herself you can't do it for her. So, do what you can and that's all you can.
God Bless you and I will pray for you and your friend
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How to fix a gossip queen.?
okso theres this girl in my class, who is completely obsessed with gossip and everyone knows it. the only thing is, people dont know whether to believe what she says or not. like yesterday in gym class:
i was talking to my friend shelby about how i went clubbing on sun night and how we need to get a big group of friends to go together. but she said she didnt want to invite a certain friend because of the way she would act.now the last half of this convo, i knew gossip queen was listening, so i tried to get shelby to stop.so naturally, gossip queen being who she is, literally turns right around and tells the "certain friend" about it.
who gets mad
and automatically blames me for it
but then shelby covered for us later when "certain friend" asked about it. but... getting to the point.
normally we find gossip queen hilarious because of the the stuff she repeats. now its getting kinda annoying. so if you have any ideas of ways to make her look stupid, they are much appreciated. :]
How to fix a gossip queen.?
I would confront gossip queen and tell her I don't appreciate her telling your friend you said something when she wasn't even involved in the conversation.
The next time you're chatting with a friend and little miss gossip is in hearing distance, I would just say "We need to talk about this later when "name" isn't around." And then you and your friend walk away. Even if you're talking about what color nail polish you have on. Don't let this rumor-mill hear anything you have to say.
I also would stop listening to her stories. When she starts, just say something like, "I don't have time to listen to what "name" overhears someone else saying." And again, walk away from it.
Reply:When the girl starts gossiping then don't pay any attention to what she is saying. She only does things like that because she wants the attention and that is how she is getting it.
Reply:i would bet the **** out of her
Reply:tell the person how you feel or start a gossip about her!!!!!!!
Reply:Starting gossip about this gossip queen is the wrong thing to do. You see how you feel right now about her, and so it's very wrong of you to be doing the same thing to her. You're being a hypocrite then! Try just telling her you don't like how she gossips so much, and that she should start changing it because people are making her feel bad and don't like it. This way, she'll get an idea that people aren't enjoying her presence all the time, and she'll probably stop. Even telling her is making her feel stupid, but don't intentionally try to!
i was talking to my friend shelby about how i went clubbing on sun night and how we need to get a big group of friends to go together. but she said she didnt want to invite a certain friend because of the way she would act.now the last half of this convo, i knew gossip queen was listening, so i tried to get shelby to stop.so naturally, gossip queen being who she is, literally turns right around and tells the "certain friend" about it.
who gets mad
and automatically blames me for it
but then shelby covered for us later when "certain friend" asked about it. but... getting to the point.
normally we find gossip queen hilarious because of the the stuff she repeats. now its getting kinda annoying. so if you have any ideas of ways to make her look stupid, they are much appreciated. :]
How to fix a gossip queen.?
I would confront gossip queen and tell her I don't appreciate her telling your friend you said something when she wasn't even involved in the conversation.
The next time you're chatting with a friend and little miss gossip is in hearing distance, I would just say "We need to talk about this later when "name" isn't around." And then you and your friend walk away. Even if you're talking about what color nail polish you have on. Don't let this rumor-mill hear anything you have to say.
I also would stop listening to her stories. When she starts, just say something like, "I don't have time to listen to what "name" overhears someone else saying." And again, walk away from it.
Reply:When the girl starts gossiping then don't pay any attention to what she is saying. She only does things like that because she wants the attention and that is how she is getting it.
Reply:i would bet the **** out of her
Reply:tell the person how you feel or start a gossip about her!!!!!!!
Reply:Starting gossip about this gossip queen is the wrong thing to do. You see how you feel right now about her, and so it's very wrong of you to be doing the same thing to her. You're being a hypocrite then! Try just telling her you don't like how she gossips so much, and that she should start changing it because people are making her feel bad and don't like it. This way, she'll get an idea that people aren't enjoying her presence all the time, and she'll probably stop. Even telling her is making her feel stupid, but don't intentionally try to!
How to fix a gossip queen.?
okso theres this girl in my class, who is completely obsessed with gossip and everyone knows it. the only thing is, people dont know whether to believe what she says or not. like yesterday in gym class:
i was talking to my friend shelby about how i went clubbing on sun night and how we need to get a big group of friends to go together. but she said she didnt want to invite a certain friend because of the way she would act.now the last half of this convo, i knew gossip queen was listening, so i tried to get shelby to stop.so naturally, gossip queen being who she is, literally turns right around and tells the "certain friend" about it.
who gets mad
and automatically blames me for it
but then shelby covered for us later when "certain friend" asked about it. but... getting to the point.
normally we find gossip queen hilarious because of the the stuff she repeats. now its getting kinda annoying. so if you have any ideas of ways to make her look stupid, they are much appreciated. :]
How to fix a gossip queen.?
I would confront gossip queen and tell her I don't appreciate her telling your friend you said something when she wasn't even involved in the conversation.
The next time you're chatting with a friend and little miss gossip is in hearing distance, I would just say "We need to talk about this later when "name" isn't around." And then you and your friend walk away. Even if you're talking about what color nail polish you have on. Don't let this rumor-mill hear anything you have to say.
I also would stop listening to her stories. When she starts, just say something like, "I don't have time to listen to what "name" overhears someone else saying." And again, walk away from it.
Reply:When the girl starts gossiping then don't pay any attention to what she is saying. She only does things like that because she wants the attention and that is how she is getting it.
Reply:i would bet the **** out of her
Reply:tell the person how you feel or start a gossip about her!!!!!!!
Reply:Starting gossip about this gossip queen is the wrong thing to do. You see how you feel right now about her, and so it's very wrong of you to be doing the same thing to her. You're being a hypocrite then! Try just telling her you don't like how she gossips so much, and that she should start changing it because people are making her feel bad and don't like it. This way, she'll get an idea that people aren't enjoying her presence all the time, and she'll probably stop. Even telling her is making her feel stupid, but don't intentionally try to!
i was talking to my friend shelby about how i went clubbing on sun night and how we need to get a big group of friends to go together. but she said she didnt want to invite a certain friend because of the way she would act.now the last half of this convo, i knew gossip queen was listening, so i tried to get shelby to stop.so naturally, gossip queen being who she is, literally turns right around and tells the "certain friend" about it.
who gets mad
and automatically blames me for it
but then shelby covered for us later when "certain friend" asked about it. but... getting to the point.
normally we find gossip queen hilarious because of the the stuff she repeats. now its getting kinda annoying. so if you have any ideas of ways to make her look stupid, they are much appreciated. :]
How to fix a gossip queen.?
I would confront gossip queen and tell her I don't appreciate her telling your friend you said something when she wasn't even involved in the conversation.
The next time you're chatting with a friend and little miss gossip is in hearing distance, I would just say "We need to talk about this later when "name" isn't around." And then you and your friend walk away. Even if you're talking about what color nail polish you have on. Don't let this rumor-mill hear anything you have to say.
I also would stop listening to her stories. When she starts, just say something like, "I don't have time to listen to what "name" overhears someone else saying." And again, walk away from it.
Reply:When the girl starts gossiping then don't pay any attention to what she is saying. She only does things like that because she wants the attention and that is how she is getting it.
Reply:i would bet the **** out of her
Reply:tell the person how you feel or start a gossip about her!!!!!!!
Reply:Starting gossip about this gossip queen is the wrong thing to do. You see how you feel right now about her, and so it's very wrong of you to be doing the same thing to her. You're being a hypocrite then! Try just telling her you don't like how she gossips so much, and that she should start changing it because people are making her feel bad and don't like it. This way, she'll get an idea that people aren't enjoying her presence all the time, and she'll probably stop. Even telling her is making her feel stupid, but don't intentionally try to!
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